eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
