Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
