can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
