How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my being single is dangerous.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
