My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't tell me you're on acid again
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
