I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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