I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
