WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
