Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The air was thick with penises
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
