I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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