I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
