Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
