a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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