Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
