i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
