Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
