Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
