I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
