i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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