i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
