so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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