my phone needs a breathalizer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
