you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
