keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
