you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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