it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
