It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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