Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Less talking, more tequila
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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