So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
