hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
