TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
