ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
