I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
