Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
