Fuck appropriateness.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
