you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
