Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
