life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
