I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
