new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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