ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
