So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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