nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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