"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wear drunk well.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
