also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
