I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
