why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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