maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
