$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
