I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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