i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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