the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
