I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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