put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize