This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
