you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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