I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I just sharted jello shots
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
