Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just had sex bonerless
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
