I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
