every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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